Mocktale: PETA slams toddler for dropping teddy

Just days after People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) slammed actor Run-Weird Singh for punching a fake shark in an advertisement for an inner wear brand, the animal rights organization has issued a strongly worded letter to a three-year-old child for dropping his stuffed teddy bear from a first-floor balcony.
Commenting on the no-holds-barred Singh-Shark-PETA fisticuffs, our resident expert, Professor Iknow Jackshit commented eloquently: “Usnay shark ko pita, so PETA ne us par shark kara.”
We have with us a copy of the PETA letter to the toddler.(We would like to declare that Mocktale bribed a source with a meal of butter chicken and roast lamb to get our hands on it.)
“Dear 3-year-old animal hater
In case you haven’t learned to read yet we hope you get to read this a few years later. What you did to the teddy bear was cruel. You hurt its feelings just like actor Run-Weird Singh hurt our feelings by punching the stuffed shark (and clearing his dandruff in a dance).
Bear in mind that a teddy bear cannot fly (unless it’s travelling in an aircraft or is in a Disney movie). This sort of (stuffed) animal cruelty cannot be condoned.
We urge you to renounce violence, non-veg meals, non-veg jokes and any sort of stuffed toys. Take some time to go through our protest photos which often feature scantily clad models dressed in clothes made out of leaves and flowers. This will also be an early education for you about internet porn.
While on porn, you would be glad to know one of our top members is the actress Pamela Anderson. She has been speaking out against animal cruelty as she wanted to er get something off her chest.
We would also ask you to stop killing mosquitoes as also comes under cruelty. Whenever a mosquito bites you, just start from scratch.
We don’t discriminate between animals, irrespective of caste, creed, species or body odour. You can’t even hurt a cheetah because cheetah bhi PETA hai.
To conclude, dear child, this is a final warning asking you to cease and desist from any further action against animals, insects, fish, chicken or stuffed toys.
Your sincerely
PETA”